Having the Talk About Assisted Reproduction

According to some New Jersey adoption attorneys, more than 2% of infants born in the state are conceived through assisted reproductive technology. Those in the ART field expect that number to continue rising as the technologies improve and society becomes more comfortable with the approach overall. Furthermore, we are now gaining research that shows how ART affects the children later in life.

What Is Assisted Reproduction?

Assisted reproduction is a broad term, and the definition varies based on who is using it and where. Generally, it refers to any conception achieved through medical assistance involving the ovary. That includes combining ovaries and sperm in a laboratory and then returning them to a woman’s body. In some cases, the ovary is returned to the woman who provided it. In others, it is donated to another woman who will serve as the mother or surrogate mother.

In the U.S., gestational surrogacy is most common. This is where the surrogate mother has no genetic connection to the child she is carrying. Partial surrogacy is an option as well and much more common in the United Kingdom, for instance. It is also more prevalent overseas for surrogates to become part of the family. Commercial surrogates are more pervasive in the U.S. However, some families want the relationship and seek it out, and it is becoming more common here according to some experts.

Parents Worry Over Telling Children

When it comes to adoption, our society has many decades of experience and a wealth of data to fall back on. We generally know what to expect from child outcomes and the paths necessary to achieve positive ones. This is not yet the case with ART. It is only recently that we have access to studies involving many children who were achieved through ART and have now progressed into adulthood.

One of the chief concerns that parents and others have had is when should you tell a child that they were conceived through ART? Not only when should you tell them, but how much should you disclose?

Telling Children Early Helps

A 2023 study published in the journal Developmental Psychology followed 65 children. Of that group, 22 were born via surrogacy, 26 by sperm donation and 17 through egg donation. Researchers met with the children at age 1, 2, 3, 7, 10 and 14. What they found at age 3 did not come as a surprise. This is the point when children become curious about babies. They want to understand why they are here.

The data also showed that children who were told before age 7 reported better relationships with their mothers throughout their lives. When asked when they learned about the assisted reproduction, the children in this group responded that they always knew. This means that they grew up with the information and never had to experience the shock or surprise that could undermine trust.

Children who were born through surrogacy and made aware of it did tend to experience relationship issues around age 7. At this point, their mental advancement was allowing them to grapple with the concept of surrogacy. But when the researchers returned at age 10, those issues had disappeared in all cases.

Children Want to Be Wanted

One of the things the researchers found was that the assisted reproduction became even more of a positive as the children aged. The children knew they were wanted. This was important to them above all else, and they talked to the researchers about it a great deal.

Legal Representation for Assisted Reproduction

The Law Office of Cofsky & Zeidman has more than 25 years of experience helping families. That includes navigating the many wonderful varieties of assisted reproduction that help people realize their dreams of starting a family. We provide initial consultations without charge or obligation. If you’re ready to begin this journey or already underway, have your case reviewed by a seasoned New Jersey adoption attorney. To set up that appointment, call our Haddonfield office at (856) 429-5005 or our Woodbury location at (856) 845-2555, or contact us online.