Adopting Older Children

Research by the Arizona Department of Child Safety found that very few children who age out of foster care earn a college degree, and one in five become homeless after turning 18. While some may argue that older children have the greatest need for adoption, they often face the greatest challenges afterwards. They may struggle to form connections with their new family and experience serious grief over missing their biological family.

To help older adopted children adjust to their new family and environment, it is important to be mindful of their needs. Give them time and space to process the changes in their lives, and don’t try to force relationships. Including things that might remind them of the positive aspects of their former life could also be helpful. For example, cooking food they might have regularly had before or taking them to familiar places may help them feel as though they haven’t lost every part of their past. Try to keep an open mind and communicate your expectations clearly. Once they realize you are trustworthy and have their best interests at heart, they will likely come to love their new home and your family.

Establishing Identity

No matter what age a child is adopted, they may have feelings of not belonging at some point in their lives. Once they become aware they are adopted, they may feel as though they are not the same as your other children because they are not your biological child. They also might have a sense of displacement because they don’t know their biological parents or their family history.

One important step in preparing to tell your child they are adopted is being ready to talk about their biological family. It is a good idea to compile as much information as the biological parents are comfortable providing so you can help your child form a more solid sense of identity. Being able to tell your adopted child why their biological parents decided to give them up for adoption could help them adjust more positively. Also, being able to describe their biological parents’ mannerisms and appearance can help the child feel as though they have some insight into where they came from.

If possible, it might be a good idea to foster a relationship between the biological parents and the child, if the adopted parents believe it would be beneficial. If all parties agree, a New Jersey adoption attorney could help create an agreement between the parents that establishes healthy boundaries for communication and interaction with the child.

Addressing Traumatic Experiences

Your child could have been exposed to unhealthy and traumatic circumstances before they came to live with you. It is a good idea to attempt to identify those negative issues before adoption and make a plan to address them. Your New Jersey adoption attorney could help compile information about the biological parents to identify any potential problems associated with their background. If not dealt with, trauma can cause difficulty in developing relationships, managing school requirements and adjusting to their new environment. Additionally, the discovery that they are adopted could be a traumatic experience that could have a lasting impact on their mental health.

Providing counseling services for your adopted child may help them learn to work through their negative experiences from biological families or foster care placements. They will also learn skills to help them cope with any negative emotions they may have related to adoption.

If you are considering adoption, you need a New Jersey advocate who will look out for the best interest of your family and your new addition. At Cofsky & Zeidman, we are ready to do everything we can to help you have the best adoption experience possible. Call our Haddonfield location today at 856-429-5005, and let us help you create the family you’ve always wanted.