Getting the Information You Need from a Prospective Birthmother
When you are considering adopting an infant, and have learned about a potential birthmother, you may have a lot of questions, the answers to which will help you determine whether the relationship is a good fit. Experts advise caution as you gather information from a potential birthmother. Stigmas remain, and many birthmothers have extreme anxiety about the ways that they are perceived by prospective adoptive parents. You want to be careful that your effort to learn as much as you can doesn’t feel like an interrogation. With that in mind, here are some of the key questions to ask (as well as some questions not to ask) a potential birthmother.
Questions You May Want to Ask
The first, and perhaps most important, question relates to the mother’s due date. You need to know, so that you can plan accordingly. You will also want to know if she’s working with an adoption agency of any kind (unless you met her through your agency). If the birthfather is not part of the conversation, you should ask how he feels about the pregnancy, as well as the idea of adoption.
It’s appropriate to ask when the birthmother first started considering putting the child up for adoption, and how she came to work with the agency or attorney in the case. You can also ask if she knows anyone who has placed a child for adoption, or was adopted.
It’s also a good idea to ask about prenatal or medical care. What type of care has she received? Apart from being pregnant, has she had any other health concerns in the last few months?
Questions You Don’t Want to Ask (Directly, at Least)
There are some questions that, though they may be necessary, should not be asked directly of a birthmother, including whether she was raped, or whether she has used drugs during the pregnancy. These questions can be asked by a third party, such as the agency or attorney. Don’t query the mother on the nature of her sexual activity—if it’s important to know how many men might be the father, the agency or attorney will gather that information. And don’t ask her if she’s considered changing her mind about the adoption—it will only likely make her feel worse.
Contact Adoption Attorneys Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC
At the law office of Cofsky & Zeidman, LLC, our lawyers bring more than 25 years of experience to every matter we handle. Attorney Donald C. Cofsky has personally handled more than 1,500 adoption proceedings since joining the bar in 1974. Attorney Bruce D. Zeidman has protected the interests of clients in state and federal courts in New Jersey and Pennsylvania since 1984. We understand the challenges you face, and can help you identify all your options so that you can make good decisions that are in your best long-term interests.
Contact our office online or call us at (856) 429-5005 in Haddonfield, NJ, at (856) 429-5005 in Woodbury, NJ, or in Philadelphia, PA, at (856) 429-5005.
When you are seeking to 
In an 
If you’ve decided to 
Most estimates put the cost of raising a child at more than $20,000 per year, not including the price of a college education. For parents of a biological child, there’s little expense in bringing the child into the home that isn’t covered by insurance. But if you plan or choose to adopt, you can easily add another $10,000 to $40,000, depending on where and how you adopt a child.
Not so long ago, adopted children were viewed somewhat as social outcasts—the perception often being that they were “illegitimate” or “bastards.” In fact, until the advent of so-called open adoptions, even adoption professionals took a pretty secretive approach to the process. Often, parents would hide the fact from others, even from the adopted children. The secrecy that surrounded the process in many ways fed the societal stigma that an adopted child was “from the other side of the tracks.” Open adoption has changed all that.
Many 
For many, the idea of an open adoption is a little unnerving. 
More than 70 years ago, the New Jersey legislature passed a law sealing the birth records of anyone who had been adopted, claiming that it needed to be done to protect the rights of birth mothers. However, as adoption has lost a lot of its social stigma and more and more adoptees have sought to connect with birthparents, for health or other reasons, advocates have sought to repeal the law and allow adoptees to obtain original copies of their birth records. They have 
Though many adoptive parents might initially disagree, the period leading up to an adoption is often perceived as perhaps the easiest part of