In the 1980s the number of children leaving South Korea for adoption was extremely high. In recent years it has dwindled to a trickle. This has been caused primarily by the restrictions placed not only on adoption by foreigners but overall adoption by South Koreans themselves within their country. Despite the fact that there are many South Korean children who are in need of permanent families, these restrictions remain in place making even domestic in-country adoptions very difficult. This is certainly not good for these children.
Domestic or International Adoption?
You know that you want to adopt a child. Your next decision—should you adopt domestically (within the United States) or internationally. Here are some of the key issues to consider.
The Cost
Cost used to be much more of a consideration when deciding whether to adopt in the United States or through a foreign country, but that’s not so much the case anymore. With a domestic adoption, you can expect to spend anywhere from $20,000 to $35,000, as a general rule. With an international adoption, the bottom end can be lower—as little as $15,000—but the top end can be higher—as much as $50,000. It all depends on what country you choose. The costs are typically more predictable with a foreign adoption, as you generally don’t pay medical or living expenses for a birthmother. You face financial risks either way, as a birthmother may change her mind after you’ve incurred costs or a country may close its borders to adoption.
Contact or Communication with Birth Parents
If you want your child to have knowledge of and a relationship with birth parents, you’ll want to adopt domestically. If, on the other hand, you don’t want an ongoing relationship with the birthmother, an international adoption will typically accomplish that objective.
The Process
With a domestic adoption, there’s usually far more uncertainty in the process. It’s typically a matching process, where you put your profile out and prospective birthmothers review your profile and choose you. With most international adoptions, you are bringing home a child from an orphanage, so the “courtship” between birth parents and adoptive parents never takes place. There’s a waiting list and you get in line on the waiting list. With some countries, you can often know within a month or so of the exact date you’ll travel to bring home your child.
Contact Our Office
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail. For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
Protecting Adopted Children Act
In April Representative Langevin (D-RI) introduced the Protecting Adopted Children Act (HR2068) in order to “insure the safety and well-being of adopted children.” This was in response to reports of individuals who had adopted children, primarily from foreign countries, and who later found that there were such severe issues or difficulties involving the children and with no help available, attempted to place the children, with other families without proper safeguards. The purpose of the Bill would be to provide both pre and post adoptive counseling and to provide funding for specialized treatment for these children, including psychiatric residential services, out-patient mental health services, and other services to assist the families who are dealing with children who have these problems. The bill was referred to several committees for review. Although there were a number of sponsors, the Senate has not yet introduced a companion Bill.
Talking With Your Adopted Child about Their Adoption
When you adopt a child, you hope that the life you give that child will be as normal as possible. For some adoptive parents, talking to your adopted child about their being adopted can jeopardize that sense of normality, but experts say it’s essential for the well-being of your child. Chances are pretty good that they’ll find out somehow, and it’s always best that they learn it from you and that it be a positive experience. So what’s the best way to help your adopted child understand the whole concept.
Start Early
The earlier you openly discuss the fact that your child was adopted, the easier it will be for everyone involved. Your child will grow up with an understanding of the language of adoption. It will also help you get used to the words, and fine tune your use of language while they are still in the developmental stage.
Don’t Tell Them More Than They Can Understand
For a very small child, it’s probably more appropriate to use the language of a story. Be certain you are speaking to the listening of your audience. If your child is four years old, you need to use a style and words that make sense to a four-year-old. Often, because the story is so much a part of their lives, kids stop asking a lot of the questions as they grow older. But if questions persist into their teens, you can have a more adult conversation with them.
Tell the Truth
It’s common for adoptive parents to want to make everything positive. Don’t make up stories about birth parents or attribute motives when you don’t know what they are. Stick to the facts as much as you can, but remember that small children may not fully understand the facts. Don’t tell them more than they can understand.
Be Willing to Have the Conversation as Often as Necessary
Adoption is a complicated process, and even more so for the child. You won’t answer all their questions in a single conversation.
Contact Our Office
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail.
For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
Things You Don’t Want to Say to an Adopted Child
Experts will tell you that communication with your adopted child is paramount. But there are some things that you should never say to an adopted child.
Don’t Ever Tell Your Child That They “Look Different” from the Rest of the Family
This can be unintentional. You tell your child that they don’t have certain family traits. It may be true, but it tells them that they are different and that they are not really part of the family. Physical appearance doesn’t have anything to do with really being a family, so leave it out of your discussions.
Don’t Tell Your Child That They Are Not Old Enough to Understand
When your adopted child asks questions, it can be scary, and the inclination can be to say, “you wouldn’t really understand…we’ll talk about that when you are older.” Unfortunately, when you don’t answer your child’s questions, they don’t stop thinking about them. What they’ll most likely do is try to come up with the answers on their own… they’ll frequently be wrong.
Don’t Ever Disparage Their Birth Parents
Your adopted child needs to have a positive image of his or her birth parents. The best thing you can say to your adopted child is that his or her birth parent loved him and made the decision to pursue adoption out of love. Don’t ever imply that you “saved” your adopted child from a difficult life, or that their birth parent did not or could not properly care for them.
Contact Us
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail. For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
What Your Adopted Child Wants You to Know
When you are thinking about adopting, it’s a good idea to talk to other adoptive parents, to learn about their experiences, so that you can best prepare to have a successful relationship with your adopted child. But what if you could ask your adopted child for advice, to learn what they need from you? Here are some observations adoptees have made that can help facilitate the process.
Adoption is Not a Magic Pill for the Child
Many adoptive parents have the perception that the adopted child must have been “in an unhealthy relationship” or must have been sad or suffering. They then assume that, because the child has been adopted by a “good” family, the child should no longer be sad or experience pain. This simply isn’t the case. While some children come from troubled family situations, others do not. Regardless of what their life was like prior to the adoption, there will still be a sense of loss. The most important thing you can do is provide a safe place for the child to feel all of his or her emotions.
It’s Not In the Child’s Best Interests to Pretend that the Past Never Happened
Your adopted child needs to make sense of his or her story. Regardless of their age, they will feel a sense of loss. The only way they will ever move past that sense of loss is to fully understand it. That comes from talking about it. If your child is young, there may come a point where, as they start to incorporate their story, they need to repeat it to anyone who hasn’t heard it before. That’s natural and you need to let it happen. You may get frustrated hearing the story over and over, but you need to let your child tell the story until it feels natural to them.
Many Adopted Children Struggle with Issues of Identity, Self-Worth and Shame
Especially with younger children, it’s typical for adoptees to construe the biological parent’s decision to put them up for adoption as “the child’s fault.” Accordingly, it’s not unusual for an adopted child to worry that they might be abandoned again. Experts say this can manifest in a couple different ways. The child may act out, seeing if there are limits where they might be sent away again. Conversely, they may be hyper-cooperative, trying not to do anything that would cause them to be abandoned again.
Contact Our Office
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail. For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
Update on Opening of Birth Records
Connecticut has recently enacted a law which allows many individuals who had been adopted to obtain copies of their original birth certificates as well as medical records, and the Act also includes contact preferences. The Pennsylvania House of Representatives is currently considering a Bill to allow access to original birth certificates. That Bill is still being worked on and has yet to be enacted. New Jersey has already enacted a Bill allowing certain individuals to obtain copies of the original birth certificate. Portions of that Bill will go into effect very shortly and in anticipation of that the New Jersey Bureau of Vital Statistics has posted forms on line to be used.
New Jersey Expands Safe Haven Law
Several months ago a Bill was signed into law expanding the New Jersey Safe Haven Infant Protection Act to now include as locations for placement of infants, fire stations and emergency squads as safe havens for parents to give up their newborns. This expands the locations which previously had been limited basically to police stations and hospitals.
Although this law is in effect, for the benefit of the birth parents and for the children, placing a child through a licensed agency is preferable as it will allow all parties to have more information and certainly would be in the best interest of the child.
International Adoptions Decrease
According to statistics from the U.S. State Department, the number of children adopted into the United States has dropped dramatically in the last decade. Sources say that there were just under 6,500 international adoptions in 2014, down from the peak of around 23,000 in 2004. Families seeking to adopt are also finding that it’s taking a lot longer to complete an adoption. In 2000, the average time it took to complete an adoption in China was about nine months. Some couples are now waiting nearly nine years to do the same thing. Sources say it’s the lowest rate for international adoptions since 1982.
One of the major reasons for the decline was the decision by Russia to discontinue any adoptions by Americans. Before 2012, the country was one of the major sources for families seeking to adopt internationally. China is still the most popular place for adoptive families to go, with more than 2,000 children adopted from China every year. Just a decade ago, though, there were almost 8,000 children adopted from China. Ethiopia is now second in the number of children adopted into the United States, with the Ukraine and Haiti third and fourth, respectively.
State officials say that one of the challenges to the international adoption process has been the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. When the convention was introduced, it was hoped that it would facilitate international adoption by eliminating concerns about human trafficking. As it’s turned out in practice, it’s actually made international adoptions more challenging by requiring a lot more paperwork and obstacles.
Contact Us
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail. For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
Improving Your Chances for a Successful Single-Parent Adoption
Though it’s far easier in today’s world to adopt as a single parent than it was 50 year ago (you couldn’t do it then), it’s still not a simple process. Many agencies will simply not work with you and others will give priority to couples seeking to adopt. Here are some tips from single parents who have successfully adopted.
Prepare Financially
One of the significant concerns from adoption professionals is the fact that single parents typically have only one source of income. If that income goes away—a job is lost or the parent cannot work—the child may not have his or her material needs met. Accordingly, you want to prepare in advance. Try to get 3-6 months worth of expenses into savings, so that you have something to meet your needs in the event of a temporary job loss. Determine how much time you will need to take off from work when your adopted child first comes home with you, and put money away to cover that time period.
Build a Network of Support
Raising a child is hard work and can wear you out emotionally and physically. When there are two parents, it’s much easier to get a break. If you are a single parent, you’ll want to find family and friends who can offer you the same type of respite on an occasional basis. Otherwise, you may develop some resentment that your child has left you no time for yourself.
Be Prepared for the Social Stigma Associated with Single Parenting
Though the acceptance of divorce has made single parenting more prevalent, there’s still a common perception that there must be two parents in the home to raise a well-adjusted and emotionally healthy child. To get a different perspective, look for single parent groups in your area, or get to know other single parents, so that you can share successes and failures together, and see that you are not alone.
Contact Our Office
To set up an appointment, call us in Haddonfield at 856-429-5005 or in Woodbury at 856-845-2555. We can also be reached in Philadelphia at 215-563-2150 or by e-mail. For clients with personal injury or workers’ compensation claims, we offer a free initial consultation, and will represent you on a contingency basis, only charging attorney fees if we recover compensation for you.
Our offices are open weekdays between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Weekend and evening appointments may be arranged upon request. We will also come to your home or the hospital, if necessary.
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