How to Tell Your Children That They Are Adopted

In 2020, there were approximately 442,995 children in foster care and over 125,000 children adopted from the U.S. foster care system, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Although the number of adoptions from the foster care system has been consistently decreasing over the years, with a 5% decrease from 2019 to 2020, adoptions still happen every day.

If you have adopted your children, telling them that they were adopted can be a difficult and emotional process for everyone. However, it is important to have open and honest communication with your children about their adoption so that they can understand their identity and feel secure in their family.

Timing Is Important

First and foremost, it is important to consider the timing of when to tell your children about their adoption. It’s probably a good idea to wait until your child is old enough to understand the concept and can ask questions about it. For some children, this may be as young as 4 years old while for others it may be older. You should also consider the individual needs and maturity level of your child when determining the right time to have this conversation.

When you are ready, choose a neutral and comfortable setting. A quiet room in your home or a park on a sunny day are both good options. You may want to have the conversation when both parents are present. This gives an opportunity for both parents to provide support and answer any questions that may arise.

Explain Their Adoption Process in Detail

When you begin the conversation, try to use simple, age-appropriate language that your child can understand. Explain to them that they were born to a different family and that you were chosen to be their parents. You can also use books or videos about adoption to help explain the concept in a way that is easy for your child to understand.

You should also try to address any potential feelings of confusion or loss that your child may experience after learning about their adoption. Let them know that it is normal to have these feelings and that you are there to support them and help them process their emotions. Encourage them to ask any questions they may have, and be honest with them in your answers.

Emphasize that they are loved and valued, regardless of how they came into your family. Remind them that they are just as much a part of your family as any biological child would be and that you will always be there for them.

Talk About Their Birth Family

Additionally, it is important to be open and honest about their birth family when and if the child is ready. Let them know that they have a birth family and that they can ask you any questions that they have. Have a plan if the child wants to know more about their birth family and why their birth family couldn’t raise them. You may not know all the answers, but you should be willing to research the answers together. A New Jersey adoption lawyer may be able to help you facilitate contact with the family or review the terms of the adoption if the child would like to know more.

Another thing to consider is that adoption can be a lifelong journey, not just a one-time conversation. As your child grows and develops, they may have new questions and concerns about their adoption. It’s important to be open to discussing it with them and addressing any new issues that may arise.

Seek Support for Your Family

Lastly, seek support for yourself and your child during this process. This may include counseling or support groups for adoptive families. As the journey may uncover old hurts, it’s a good idea to find a way to process these emotions.

In conclusion, telling your children that they are adopted can be a difficult and emotional process. However, with the right approach, you can help your child understand and accept their adoption in a positive way.

Contact a New Jersey adoption lawyer if you have additional questions on these types of matters. We can help you navigate the process. You can contact our Haddonfield office at (856) 429-5005 or our Woodbury office at (856) 845-2555.