How to Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted

When your child asks where they came from, it’s important to be honest with them about their adoption. Here are a few tips on how to have that conversation.

The Importance of an Honest Conversation

Early disclosure about your child’s adoption is essential for their sense of self-esteem. It shows your child that their caregivers are trustworthy and can be counted on to give them accurate information, which helps to foster a strong attachment bond.

This will serve them well as they navigate their way through the challenges and transitions of adolescence and adulthood. When children are raised to believe that they can trust their caregivers, they will be more trustworthy and receptive to other people, which will set them up for success in all areas of their lives.

In contrast, when adoptees learn the truth in late childhood, adolescence, or adulthood, they often feel an overwhelming sense of betrayal. The adoption itself is not what hurts; it’s the sense that their parents were not honest with them about their origin and identity. This can be a trauma that takes a lifetime to heal.

When to Start Talking to Your Child About Their Adoption

To avoid the potential for this type of trauma, it’s best to start talking about your child’s adoption as early as possible. This applies even if you adopted your child as an infant.

In many cases, there is no need to sit down for a formal “talk.” You can simply integrate information about their adoption into your everyday conversations. For example, you can begin by simply using the word “adoption” in a sentence when you’re talking about your family.

You can also read books about adoption with your child. There are many great children’s books that explain the concept of adoption in a way that is developmentally appropriate. This can help to normalize the experience for your child and give them a starting point for asking questions.

Once your child is old enough to understand the concept, you can have more in-depth conversations about their adoption, allowing your child to set the pace. You can share with them as much or as little information as you feel comfortable with. It’s important to be honest and open but also to respect your child’s need for privacy and space to process this information. If they have any legal concerns about their adoption, you can also help them work with a New Jersey adoption lawyer.

How to Tell Your Child That They Were Adopted

If you have not talked about your child’s adoption with them before, it’s never too late to start. When you’re ready to have the conversation, sit down with your child and explain that you want to talk about how they came into your family. Avoid immediately jumping into a discussion of their birth parents. Instead, focus on how much you love them and how grateful you are that they are part of your family.

There is no one “right” way to tell your child that they were adopted. The most important thing is to be honest and open. You can also tailor your approach to fit your child’s individual personality and needs.

Some adopted children prefer to receive all of the information about their adoption up front. Others prefer to gradually learn more over time. There is no wrong way to do this as long as you are respecting your child’s wishes.

What to Do if Your Child Is Struggling With Their Adoption

It’s normal for adoptees to experience a range of emotions about their adoption. These emotions can range from positive to negative and can change over time. Some common emotions that adopted children may feel include grief, loss, anger, shame, and guilt. It’s important to allow your child to express these emotions and validate their feelings.

If your child is struggling with their adoption, there are many resources available to help. You can talk to your child’s doctor or therapist or contact an adoption support group. You may also want to work with a New Jersey adoption lawyer if there are legal issues that need to be addressed. For example, if your child is over the age of 18, they may have the right to access their original birth certificate.

An experienced New Jersey adoption attorney can help you navigate these complicated legal issues and protect your family’s rights. Contact the Haddonfield office of Cofsy & Zeidman today at (856) 429-5005 to schedule a consultation. We’re here to help.